This is me, the 49ers and the rest of the team's fans. The season is over and it hurts. Not as much today as last night. But my butt's still a little sore (okay, come on...clearly, that's a reference to being "butt hurt," not whatever your dirty mind jumped to!).
The bigger issue at hand now that I've made peace with the loss is what the hell I'm going to do with no football. I'm a self-admitted American Idol fan, so luckily that's starting up. But after a slew of terrible auditions and twenty six glamour shots of J. Lo's (still beautiful) face, there's really nothing left to talk about.
In reality, I could watch the NBA, NHL or college basketball. There's only one small problem: I'm a Sharks and Warriors fan like Hilary Duff is a "singer." It's convenient and all my friends are doing it, so why not?
And my college team, my alma mater Washington State...they kinda suck this year. And they are never on TV. That narrows down my leisure activities to drinking beer, watching movies and following the GOP campaigns for pure comedy.
As the Surgeon General has warned us, drinking too much beer is bad. It's hard to watch movies when Dad is asleep watching Hawaii Five-O on the only good TV, and one can only take so much borderline white supremacy before going bonkers.
So, I guess...sigh. It's time to grow up. DAMN IT. I've been avoiding this day for months now. But tomorrow I have an interview for another three month position at a much higher-paying, more grown-up job.
It must be the first step. I can use the money, I can use the steady schedule, and I could definitely use the resume boost! Plus, the company and the position both look pretty cool.
So I'll rock the interview, see where it gets me. And if I pull a Kyle Williams and blow it, you sleep it off, get up the next day, and look for the next shot.
But let's be real. We all know I'd rather be watching a Jim Carrey movie on the couch. Wouldn't you?
Showing posts with label San Francisco 49ers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label San Francisco 49ers. Show all posts
Monday, January 23, 2012
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Jam Shots - June 12th, 2011
Well, kicking this weekly blog off was short-lived. I will be taking off to the Bahamas this Tuesday, then continuing on the MV Explorer for Semester-at-Sea to Barcelona, Naples, Rome, Athens, Dubrovnik, Istanbul, Casablanca, and Varna, Bulgaria. Needless to say, sports (unless it’s European soccer) will not be on my mind very much.
But fear not! I return August 25th, and Jam Shots returns with me! Hopefully without an accent. So this is the last week for a couple months, but here goes anyhow! Today’s topics: Miracle Mavs, Nyjer Morgan is absolutely ridiculous, a personal revelation, and a very objective, unbiased approach to this burning question – can Matt Kemp actually win a Triple Crown?
Jam Shots, Episode 3, 6/12/11
*Basketball*
Amazing. The Mavs have defied all odds and already accomplished the impossible. No, I don’t mean being up 3-2 on the mighty Miami Heat. Screw that, I meant they actually won more games than yours truly predicted! Proving me wrong when it comes to sports is akin to out-scarfing Joey Chestnut, out-running Forrest Gump or out-tweeting Anthony Weiner It just doesn’t happen.
Seriously though, I’m very impressed. LeBron disappeared behind a casual triple-double in game 5 and D-Wade missed time with a hip bruise, but I still must give props where props are due. The Mavericks shot almost 70% from three-point range. J.J. Barea, Jason Terry, Jason Kidd and of course Dirk Nowitzki were very clutch. The Dallas role players are stepping up huge in this series, whereas the Heat are just getting random spurts of brilliance from players like Juwan Howard, Joel Anthony and Udonis Haslem. No consistency though, and it is all resting in the awkward hands of Chris Bosh, and on the bruised ego of LeBron James and the worn-out Dwyane Wade.
Don’t get me wrong – each of those three at their worst is still a pretty good NBA player, but something needs to happen in Miami tonight to spark this team. They have a huge advantage playing at home for this game and possibly the next, but the way the Mavs have been shooting and effectively shutting down LeBron in the 4th quarter is bad news for The Franchise. I’m not one to go back on my word, so I still have the Heat winning, just in 7 now.
The hopeful bandwagon fan in me says LeBron and D-Wade will combine for at least 60 points in game 6 and completely deplete the momentum the Mavs have built up. And while I (seriously!) would love to see Dirk win a championship, there is this indescribable desire in me to see Dallas lose this series. Not because I necessarily like Miami. Not because I’m mad at Mark Cuban for not purchasing the Dodgers and getting them out of their damn financial predicament. Partially because those fans are all fans of the arch-nemesis Dallas Cowboys. But, mostly because I have a man-crush on LeBron. There, I said it! Can you blame me? The guy (at least for the first three quarters…ZING!) is unstoppable and just an absolute freak. Too much fun to watch.
Oh, and for the people who think the “give-LeBron-a-dollar-he-will-only-return-3-quarters” joke is that funny? It’s called a processing fee. Get over it. It’s only 25 cents for Heatles’ sake! If you are really so cheap that you are going to cry over a single coin, then you shouldn’t be rooting for the richest owner in sports to win the championship. And if you’re not rooting for the Mavs after that brilliant way of proving you wrong, there is plenty of room on the Heat bandwagon over here, so jump on (we lost about half of our wagon after Game 5. It’s getting lonely in here…)!
Speaking of how I love the most hated player in basketball…
*General*
…I thought about it and realized I must have some sort of major personality flaw. I don’t know what it is exactly, but I seem to gravitate toward both rooting for and admiring the most hated athletes on the planet. Sure, there’s LeBron (who I still don’t think deserves all that hatred by the way, though I can understand it). But what about Manny Ramirez, Alex Rodriguez and Derek Jeter in baseball? Manny was the MLB’s class clown, but also to many a villain. A-Rod is pretty much hated by everyone who isn’t a diehard Yankee fan, and he does something every few weeks that makes me hate him a little bit too. But I can’t say I don’t respect the guy’s ability to play ball. Let’s just say I hate him a lot less than most people.
Jeter? This one doesn’t make sense to me – all he has ever done to be a target of hatred is wear the pinstripes. You won’t find a classier act in all of sports than Jeter, who cemented his place in the Hall of Fame by about 2001. He and Ken Griffey, Jr. will always be the two guys that made baseball for me when I was growing up. I think if I was in either situation, I would miss the birth of my first child and/or ditch my wedding if I had the opportunity to see Jeter get his 3,000th hit in person. Forget the uniform, this guy is a living legend and deserves to be treated like one, so all Jeter haters (yeah, that’s you Hank Steinbrenner! What?) can go to Hell!
Perhaps the most confusing one to most of my friends, but the one I’m most proud of is my beloved San Francisco 49ers quarterback Alex Smith. Besides his good looks, incredible intelligence and professional demeanor, Smith is a beast on the football field. He has the arm of Peyton Manning, the heart of Drew Brees, the legs of Michael Vick and the confidence of Tom Brady, all wrapped into one future Hall of Fame QB. Okay, well that’s what he was supposed to be. Unfortunately his stats don’t match and he’s currently leading the Niners’ volunteer training camp as a free agent who new coach Jim Harbaugh (in a VERY subtle attempt to share who their new QB would be…) gave a playbook to despite the lockout.
Smith is approximately on chance #16 with the 49er faithful. Most fans are absolutely fed up with his lack of production and the 49ers dismal record with him at the helm. So why, you ask, do I still back him? Why do I love Alex Smith? Is it because I have his jersey ($30.00 at Big 5)? I’m a huge fan of the University of Utah, where he played in college? I’m delusional? No, no. None of the above. It’s because he does have the brains to be a top-tier NFL quarterback. He does have the confidence. He does have the physical tools. And we have seen those flashes of brilliance here and there. He has looked like Joe Montana in a few games over his career, like Steve Young on a couple 4th-quarter drives.
Now, that last part isn’t a bunch of comedy. It’s absolutely true. I have watched every second of every 49er game since Smith came into the league. I know the day he puts all these tools he has together is going to be a beautiful day, as long as he’s still wearing 49ers’ red and gold. I know if we let him walk, he will do it somewhere else. Smith took a huge pay cut to stay in the Bay Area and take care of “unfinished business.” He feels he owes something to the fans, and that’s why he won’t give up, despite being the most hated player on the roster. I have to respect that, and I have reason to hope. Harbaugh is our coach, a notorious developer of quarterbacks. Our O-line is improved again. And we have an offensive scheme in place that actually utilizes Smith’s strengths for once and doesn’t rely on handoff, handoff, and screen pass every possession.
Long live Alex Smith and go 49ers!
*Baseball*
Just a real quick Dodger plug here. I know it’s always a conversation that comes up. I know I’m biased. But STILL, does Matt Kemp have a legitimate shot at winning a Triple Crown (even if not this year, eventually)? Right now, the kid is hitting .331 with 19 home runs and 55 RBI’s for an offense that is finally starting to pick up. He has been the unquestioned star of this team and is finally playing to his potential after a huge Rihanna-induced hangover last year. Kemp leads the National League in homers, is 2nd in RBI’s by 1 and 5th in average by 10 points. Pitchers have not figured out a way to get him out yet. I’m just saying, if it comes down to the wire and he’s still close in average, he’ll have a shot at it because the power numbers will be right up there. How can you root against this?
My last order of business today is Nyjer Morgan. If you haven’t seen his post-game interview yet, catch it here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EKkSZ_qR45A
First of all, he didn’t know it was the 9th inning? Are you kidding me? Anyway, that guy must have something wrong with him. He looked like a child hopped up on way too many Pixie Stix after the game. I kinda liked the reaction though; it made me laugh almost as much as his Answer Man session last year.
He also got into a brawl with the entire Marlins team last year after he was retaliated against the day after taking out their catcher at home. He got a couple good hits in on the pitcher, but was absolutely leveled by Marlins’ first baseman Gaby Sanchez who came running in with a blindside clothesline hit. It was baseball brawlism at its finest. I couldn’t find any good video on it for you, but definitely look around for it because it’s awesome. Just imagine what would happen if he played outfield on a team with Manny Ramirez in left and Coco Crisp in right. And if Carlos Zambrano was pitching, John Rocker closing?? My god, there would be a brawl every single night. And Buster Posey would still be crying about the violence, asking us to play in football pads with Nerf balls.
That’s all folks. Keep an eye out for this blog while I’m abroad – I will be updating at least once a week on the ship about my exploits in Europe and Africa! Thanks for reading, and Jam Shots will be back in a couple months!
But fear not! I return August 25th, and Jam Shots returns with me! Hopefully without an accent. So this is the last week for a couple months, but here goes anyhow! Today’s topics: Miracle Mavs, Nyjer Morgan is absolutely ridiculous, a personal revelation, and a very objective, unbiased approach to this burning question – can Matt Kemp actually win a Triple Crown?
Jam Shots, Episode 3, 6/12/11
*Basketball*
Amazing. The Mavs have defied all odds and already accomplished the impossible. No, I don’t mean being up 3-2 on the mighty Miami Heat. Screw that, I meant they actually won more games than yours truly predicted! Proving me wrong when it comes to sports is akin to out-scarfing Joey Chestnut, out-running Forrest Gump or out-tweeting Anthony Weiner It just doesn’t happen.
Seriously though, I’m very impressed. LeBron disappeared behind a casual triple-double in game 5 and D-Wade missed time with a hip bruise, but I still must give props where props are due. The Mavericks shot almost 70% from three-point range. J.J. Barea, Jason Terry, Jason Kidd and of course Dirk Nowitzki were very clutch. The Dallas role players are stepping up huge in this series, whereas the Heat are just getting random spurts of brilliance from players like Juwan Howard, Joel Anthony and Udonis Haslem. No consistency though, and it is all resting in the awkward hands of Chris Bosh, and on the bruised ego of LeBron James and the worn-out Dwyane Wade.
Don’t get me wrong – each of those three at their worst is still a pretty good NBA player, but something needs to happen in Miami tonight to spark this team. They have a huge advantage playing at home for this game and possibly the next, but the way the Mavs have been shooting and effectively shutting down LeBron in the 4th quarter is bad news for The Franchise. I’m not one to go back on my word, so I still have the Heat winning, just in 7 now.
The hopeful bandwagon fan in me says LeBron and D-Wade will combine for at least 60 points in game 6 and completely deplete the momentum the Mavs have built up. And while I (seriously!) would love to see Dirk win a championship, there is this indescribable desire in me to see Dallas lose this series. Not because I necessarily like Miami. Not because I’m mad at Mark Cuban for not purchasing the Dodgers and getting them out of their damn financial predicament. Partially because those fans are all fans of the arch-nemesis Dallas Cowboys. But, mostly because I have a man-crush on LeBron. There, I said it! Can you blame me? The guy (at least for the first three quarters…ZING!) is unstoppable and just an absolute freak. Too much fun to watch.
Oh, and for the people who think the “give-LeBron-a-dollar-he-will-only-return-3-quarters” joke is that funny? It’s called a processing fee. Get over it. It’s only 25 cents for Heatles’ sake! If you are really so cheap that you are going to cry over a single coin, then you shouldn’t be rooting for the richest owner in sports to win the championship. And if you’re not rooting for the Mavs after that brilliant way of proving you wrong, there is plenty of room on the Heat bandwagon over here, so jump on (we lost about half of our wagon after Game 5. It’s getting lonely in here…)!
Speaking of how I love the most hated player in basketball…
*General*
…I thought about it and realized I must have some sort of major personality flaw. I don’t know what it is exactly, but I seem to gravitate toward both rooting for and admiring the most hated athletes on the planet. Sure, there’s LeBron (who I still don’t think deserves all that hatred by the way, though I can understand it). But what about Manny Ramirez, Alex Rodriguez and Derek Jeter in baseball? Manny was the MLB’s class clown, but also to many a villain. A-Rod is pretty much hated by everyone who isn’t a diehard Yankee fan, and he does something every few weeks that makes me hate him a little bit too. But I can’t say I don’t respect the guy’s ability to play ball. Let’s just say I hate him a lot less than most people.
Jeter? This one doesn’t make sense to me – all he has ever done to be a target of hatred is wear the pinstripes. You won’t find a classier act in all of sports than Jeter, who cemented his place in the Hall of Fame by about 2001. He and Ken Griffey, Jr. will always be the two guys that made baseball for me when I was growing up. I think if I was in either situation, I would miss the birth of my first child and/or ditch my wedding if I had the opportunity to see Jeter get his 3,000th hit in person. Forget the uniform, this guy is a living legend and deserves to be treated like one, so all Jeter haters (yeah, that’s you Hank Steinbrenner! What?) can go to Hell!
Perhaps the most confusing one to most of my friends, but the one I’m most proud of is my beloved San Francisco 49ers quarterback Alex Smith. Besides his good looks, incredible intelligence and professional demeanor, Smith is a beast on the football field. He has the arm of Peyton Manning, the heart of Drew Brees, the legs of Michael Vick and the confidence of Tom Brady, all wrapped into one future Hall of Fame QB. Okay, well that’s what he was supposed to be. Unfortunately his stats don’t match and he’s currently leading the Niners’ volunteer training camp as a free agent who new coach Jim Harbaugh (in a VERY subtle attempt to share who their new QB would be…) gave a playbook to despite the lockout.
Smith is approximately on chance #16 with the 49er faithful. Most fans are absolutely fed up with his lack of production and the 49ers dismal record with him at the helm. So why, you ask, do I still back him? Why do I love Alex Smith? Is it because I have his jersey ($30.00 at Big 5)? I’m a huge fan of the University of Utah, where he played in college? I’m delusional? No, no. None of the above. It’s because he does have the brains to be a top-tier NFL quarterback. He does have the confidence. He does have the physical tools. And we have seen those flashes of brilliance here and there. He has looked like Joe Montana in a few games over his career, like Steve Young on a couple 4th-quarter drives.
Now, that last part isn’t a bunch of comedy. It’s absolutely true. I have watched every second of every 49er game since Smith came into the league. I know the day he puts all these tools he has together is going to be a beautiful day, as long as he’s still wearing 49ers’ red and gold. I know if we let him walk, he will do it somewhere else. Smith took a huge pay cut to stay in the Bay Area and take care of “unfinished business.” He feels he owes something to the fans, and that’s why he won’t give up, despite being the most hated player on the roster. I have to respect that, and I have reason to hope. Harbaugh is our coach, a notorious developer of quarterbacks. Our O-line is improved again. And we have an offensive scheme in place that actually utilizes Smith’s strengths for once and doesn’t rely on handoff, handoff, and screen pass every possession.
Long live Alex Smith and go 49ers!
*Baseball*
Just a real quick Dodger plug here. I know it’s always a conversation that comes up. I know I’m biased. But STILL, does Matt Kemp have a legitimate shot at winning a Triple Crown (even if not this year, eventually)? Right now, the kid is hitting .331 with 19 home runs and 55 RBI’s for an offense that is finally starting to pick up. He has been the unquestioned star of this team and is finally playing to his potential after a huge Rihanna-induced hangover last year. Kemp leads the National League in homers, is 2nd in RBI’s by 1 and 5th in average by 10 points. Pitchers have not figured out a way to get him out yet. I’m just saying, if it comes down to the wire and he’s still close in average, he’ll have a shot at it because the power numbers will be right up there. How can you root against this?
My last order of business today is Nyjer Morgan. If you haven’t seen his post-game interview yet, catch it here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EKkSZ_qR45A
First of all, he didn’t know it was the 9th inning? Are you kidding me? Anyway, that guy must have something wrong with him. He looked like a child hopped up on way too many Pixie Stix after the game. I kinda liked the reaction though; it made me laugh almost as much as his Answer Man session last year.
He also got into a brawl with the entire Marlins team last year after he was retaliated against the day after taking out their catcher at home. He got a couple good hits in on the pitcher, but was absolutely leveled by Marlins’ first baseman Gaby Sanchez who came running in with a blindside clothesline hit. It was baseball brawlism at its finest. I couldn’t find any good video on it for you, but definitely look around for it because it’s awesome. Just imagine what would happen if he played outfield on a team with Manny Ramirez in left and Coco Crisp in right. And if Carlos Zambrano was pitching, John Rocker closing?? My god, there would be a brawl every single night. And Buster Posey would still be crying about the violence, asking us to play in football pads with Nerf balls.
That’s all folks. Keep an eye out for this blog while I’m abroad – I will be updating at least once a week on the ship about my exploits in Europe and Africa! Thanks for reading, and Jam Shots will be back in a couple months!
Friday, December 31, 2010
Reflections on 2010
I know, I know I've been slacking; maybe one of my New Year's resolutions will be to ACTUALLY blog every day...maybe. Still, I started this little hobby in September and am pretty happy with how many times I've posted and the feedback I've gotten so far! Naturally, my final blog of 2010 will be a reflection. Looking back on what has undoubtedly been the best year of my life!
Chronologically:
1. January 29th, 2010 - My 21st birthday. Oh my god. From what I remember, it was epic. A great time out with close friends, my first time at the bars, and (relatives cringe now) waking up cuddling with the toilet instead of my girlfriend. It all added up to make for a very memorable, ridiculous, extremely fun birthday. I feel as if I definitely lived it up, as it should be. My favorite story from that night was actually told to me because I was...imbibed by then...but apparently outside the bar, I calmly told my friend Laurissa "I'm going to your house now. I'm going to go throw up in your bathroom," and proceeded to start walking the complete opposite direction from her house. Luckily she sent me the right way, leading to my hug-fest with the toilet. A crazy night, to say the least.
2. January 31st, 2010 - JUNO! Something people might not know about our pursuit of Juno (well, if you don't know already, Juno is our house puppy at Washington State!) is that it started with a random dog following Garrett home one day from class. We named her Sophie and kept her for a couple days until we located her owners. That kind of sparked the desire to actually have a puppy, and so I found some Aussie Shepherd/Border Collie puppies on Craigslist in December of 2009 and one short month later we were bringing little "Uno" home. Of course, we didn't want to keep the old name so we went out on a limb and made a big change to "Juno." I can't tell you how awesome it has been to come home from class every day at school and have Juno jumping all over me and constantly being excited to play and run around. I highly recommend getting a dog to all college students, it legitimately lowers stress levels on a daily basis!
3. Mid-March, 2010 - Spring Break in La Penita, Mexico. I went to Mexico with two roommates, my girlfriend (at the time) and two of her good friends (all 6 of us were already friends, though). We spent a week at the beach, in downtown Puerto Vallarta, eating authentic Mexican food, etc. It was a lot of fun, and it was especially cool because we were staying in an actual local house in an actual little Mexican town. There are far too many quotes and memories to reflect on from that trip, but my two favorites are as follows: First, we went on a "booze cruise" one day, which basically consisted of a ferry boat ride (free drinks!) to a snorkeling spot, then a stop for lunch on the beach and a horseback ride up to a swimming hole and waterfall, then the ride back with more free drinks and karaoke. And second, of course, was..."Bear? No, gracias. BEAR!" I can only hope Matt, Garrett, Jaime, Breanna or Kayla read this so SOMEBODY knows what that means...
4. Mid-May to Mid-June, 2010 - Six-week summer session in Pullman. I took three classes for the first summer session up at school, and it was so much fun. I had never experienced a Pullman summer, but just the fact that it was different than winter was something to be celebrated. It was really warm, there were a ton of people there, and I spent a lot of time hanging out OUTSIDE with them.
5. August 8th, 2010 - Rafting Cherry Creek. I work at All-Outdoors, a whitewater rafting company, every summer. There is everything from Class I (easiest) to Class V. I had rafted everything over the last three years, but never took on the mamma jamma of them all. Cherry Creek is actually the upper portion of the Tuolumne River and is just constant Class V's. I'd rafted a few class V rapids on other big rivers before, but never anything like this. There is a Miracle Mile section on the river which is five straight Class V rapids with hardly any time in between, and they were all HUGE rapids! It was unbelievably fun and horrifying and amazing, and I can't wait to do it again next summer!
6. November 1st, 2010 - SF Giants win the World Series. This is painful to put on my list. I hate the Giants more than anything in the world. The fact that they are World Champions still kills me. Hence, why it is one of my major reflections of 2010. Between this and the 49ers being a massive letdown, it was an awful, no-good year for sports as far as I'm concerned. It really couldn't have gotten worse!
7. December 12th, 2010 - http://jamblin-man.blogspot.com/2010/12/tribute-to-uncle-pete.html. My Dad's brother, Pete passed away. He will be greatly missed and always loved. Click the link for a full tribute that I wrote about a week ago.
8. Late August to Mid-December, 2010 - First semester senior year, in general. I know this is a very broad category, but it was the best way to do it. I discovered Rico's, Taco Tuesday, ways to have a ton of fun any night of the week at school. I met a ton of new, awesome people and I plan on staying in touch with most of them for a very long time. I can't even describe how much fun I had meeting people, partying, and just hanging out in general these last four months. It's senior year, and it's setting in that I might come back to California after this Spring and not see all the great friends I've made for quite some time. That being said, I've honestly tried to go out, do something fun and meet people at every single opportunity. Despite 18 credits this coming semester, I plan on doing the same thing again. Get ready, Pullman. Get ready.
Overall, this was definitely the most crazy, fun, memorable year of my life. BUT, 2011 is going to be even better. Last semester in Pullman, New Orleans for Spring Break, Semester-at-Sea...it's going to be a great time. I can't wait to live it up again and I'm even a little bit excited to graduate and be a full-time adult. Here's to a great 2010 and looking forward to an even greater 2011! Thanks to everyone who made this year what it was...you know who you are!
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Cleveland's Got Nothin' On Me
Copied from my latest freelance, just-for-fun published article on www.Sportscolumn.com (aspiring sports writers, or sports fans check out the website and join for free!)
Hi, my name is JDWC and I’m addicted to sports. I was hooked from birth, because my father is an addict too. Like him, my drugs of choice are the Dodgers, the 49ers and the Oakland A’s. But, like most addicts and sons, I pledged to be better, to be more. So I surpassed my father…I became a basketball fan and chose the most depressing depressant known to man: the Golden State Warriors. The high school years were a brief, four-step recovery program. I graduated from the program in 2007, proclaimed clean and cured!
Alas, tragedy struck again. I was thrust into the real world and sent up to Pullman, WA to educate myself in the arts of Journalism and Creative Writing. From the first time I tasted Washington State University football, I was hooked again. Years passed and I drifted back into my addictive haze. Over the last week, I have hit rock bottom. If only I had chosen St. Louis. New York. Boston. Even Seattle. Instead, I got what I deserved. My teams have taken years from my life I will never get back. This is the uncut, untold story of my struggles:
I literally can’t remember the last time I was completely clean. I’ve been an on and off user of the Warriors. I didn’t discover the Cougars until I was a freshman in college. But the strongest, longest-lasting addictions have been to the original three. I’ve never wavered, never lessened my dosage; in fact, I’ve only increased the amount of attention I give to my drugs. Each year of losing worsens my dependence, yet I still fail to get clean. Now, they are beginning to fail me. The A’s, Dodgers and 49ers have all provided me with some great trips. In particular, I remember the 2003 A’s and the 2009 Dodgers and the 1998 49ers. Oh, those were the good old days. Young talent, Hall-of-Fame veterans, tons of money…just riding out the wave.
Since the glory days, things have gotten ugly. The A’s are a revolving door of Moneyball prospects and injury-riddled stars. It’s still a strong drug at a cheap price. A well-known brand. But, I’ve started to lose trust in my dealer. Goes by Beane, Billy Beane. He laced my last dose with a little Matt Holliday. That was the definition of a bad trip. Now St. Louis and Colorado (the Carlos Gonzalez-laced stuff) are reaping the benefits. Those damn spoiled junkies. There is always so much potential with this drug. It can be so good. So good. But nobody supports it, nobody will pay for it. As a result, the taste and the strength of the actual product is turning sour. Don’t get me wrong, a new shipment of young pitching and a small does of strong stuff from Sacramento gives me hope. But the inconsistency kills me. Almost makes me want to go clean. Almost.
The Dodgers’ downfall has been the result of a power struggle among drug lords. Destruction has started from the top, between Capo’s Frank and Jamie McCourt. Ned Colletti is Frank’s right hand man, and is just as much a part of the problem as anyone. The 2009 stuff was delicious. All new on the market; a strain of Kemp, a little Ethier, a splash of Loney and a hint of Kershaw. Sprinkle that Manny-weed throughout and that sweet, easy taste of Broxton at the end of each hit…it got me so, so high. We were never going to be as good as that stuff from Philly, but we were on the way up. Unfortunately, the drug became too popular. My addiction soared. I was strictly ingesting Dodgers on a regular basis; everything else was secondary. The money became too important, and the users suffered. Now, the Kemp is stale, the Ethier is thrashed, the Loney is weak, the Manny is gone all together, and the Broxton tastes like shit. I could care less for a hit of the Dodgers at this point.
Until this year, I had never been as high on anything as I was on Warriors in 2007. Everyone I knew was on that stuff heading into the playoffs. Baron Davis endorsed it, and We Believed. Sure, we were wasted, but we all knew our stuff would take down Dallas’ best. When our prophecy came to fruition, we drank it and smoked it and injected it in every orifice. Since that trip, the drug’s popularity has seen a steep decline. Disappointment after disappointment has left me wary of trusting it again. Of course, some good comes out of every bad: I can safely say I’m no longer hooked. That’s one drug down, four big ones to go. Although I’m always on the verge of relapse…
Thankfully, I had my hopes up for a brand spankin’ new shipment of 49ers. That red and gold goodness that I missed so much. The real stuff hadn’t even hit the market yet when I was already smoking the tester. The teaser. All I could think about was 49ers. Finally, a much-needed drug in a year of disappointments. I was so high on 49ers before it even came out, I was actually skipping class to check the status of the delivery. Finally the big day arrived. Sunday, September 12, 2010 – the day the new 49ers were introduced to the world. A confident Alex Smith, a revamped line, a healthy secondary…it smelled so good. Pretty bubble-wrapped packaging and a shiny, silver box. It all turned out to be a big hoax. A small name operation from Seattle tore it apart, bit by bit. There was no Crabtree in the drug as promised, hardly any run game and the line was far more shaky than advertised. I still hit that line, I fell for the hype and now I’m giving the 49ers one more chance to prove that I should continue to be an addict. Never in my life have I been so disappointed by a single substance. From sky high to rock bottom, in a matter of four very long, very ugly 15-minute quarters. One single season, one Singletary reason to prove to me why I should choose them.
The 49ers is still my drug of choice. It is supposed to last at least four months…if it lasts longer, it was a success. And if it was a success, my craving is cured. In the mean time, I’ve got one on the side. I do it every weekend because it’s local and extremely cheap. It’s never a good trip and I’m never high for long, but as other Washington State Cougar fans know, it’s still worth doing. The football team is awful, squeaking out a 23-22 win over Division-II Montana St. last weekend. The basketball team underperformed last year and now has lofty expectations of a 2nd place Pac-10 finish to live up to this year (according to ESPN). Truth be told, taking Cougar is more like a shot of bad vodka and a midday nap. A win and I’m drunk, anything less is a waste of time and money. Since I got hooked on Cougar, I’ve been drunk less than ten times in four years. What a terrible, terrible ratio.
I’m not one of the strong ones. I can’t go to Changes Rehab or Winehouse Springs to get clean. I can’t resist the urge, the pull of my addictions. I will always be hooked on A. I will always be hooked on Dodger. I will always be hooked on 49er. And honestly, I probably won’t forget the glory of Cougar. I’ll hit Warrior when it’s good and keep paying for the others even when the crop is weak. That’s the nature of a true addict. While I can’t ever be healthy, I’ve at least accepted that resistance is pointless. These drugs will be in my blood forever. They are a part of me. I can’t stop now.
The days ahead may be dark, but the sun always rises eventually. I just hope it warms me up before the addicts of Huskies and Giants, those filthy, rotten druggies. And god forbid, I hope the sun warms me up before Cleveland.
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